Welcome back Gleeks! Some of you may have noticed that I missed out on recapping the last episode of Glee: “The Spanish Teacher. Forgive me Pop Gods for I have sinned. I didn’t get a post up for that episode for the following reasons:

• An unfortunate head cold had me incapacitated and heavily medicated throughout most of the week, which contributed to a lack of energy and drive. Add to that a local transit strike and a 45 minute to an hour walk both to and from work each day. No fun!
• The tragic death of legendary diva Whitney Houston on 2/11/2012 truly affected and upset me. (See Post)
• The episode (outside of the immaculate beauty of Ricky Martin) was pretty CRAPPY and uninspiring. The only thing that happened of significance is that Will Schuster is no longer McKinley High’s spanish teacher and he’s now going to be teaching History class. (P.S. I will probably go back and write a recap during an upcoming, devastatingly long hiatus but we’ll get to that in about 3400 words. I don’t play around.)

Luckily this week we have LOTS to talk about! So let’s get to it!

We begin in the choir room as Mr. Schue announces that this week’s assignment is to sing the “World’s Greatest Love Songs” in honor of Valentine’s week. On top of the festivities, he mentions that the group are going to go from class to class performing these songs for a fee to fundraise for their trip to regionals. Scarred by the Christmas caroling fiasco from Season 2′s holiday episode, New Directions have mixed feelings about this idea. Luckily this year they have a secret weapon in a spoiled, rich little Daddy’s girl with Asperger’s Syndrome. The fabulous Sugar Motta offers up the money New Directions need for Nationals to the relief of her fellow Glee clubbers. Mr Schue is reluctant but Kurt “Take It!” Hummel insists.

On top of saving the day, Sugar announces that Valentine’s Day is her favorite holiday and in addition to surprise V-Day chocolates she has brought for everyone, she also is having a huge party at a newly redecorated Breadstix courtesy of her rich Daddy and everyone is invited! She also reveals that Lima’s only restaurant will be re-branded “The Sugar Shack” for this momentous occasion.  There is only one condition; all of those in attendance MUST have a date. No singles allowed!! Since Sugar herself is a single lady, she alludes that she`s currently looking for some man candy (Cut to Artie, then to Rory.) (GLEE!)

Finn and Rachel arrive in the auditorium, neither sure why they are there and were unaware they would run into each other. Both had received an invitation requesting their presence and they walk down the steps towards the stage in bewilderment. We hear some voices singing “Going to the chapel and we’re.. gonna get married…” and Finn asks Rachel: “Is that your Dads?”

As it turns out, it is! We finally meet the rest of the Berry family. (Played by guest stars Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stokes Mitchell) It turns out they have been informed that Rachel and Finn plan to marry. Surprisingly enough, they seem to be here to tell Finchel that they support the marriage if they’re sure they want to spend their lives together and they’ve truly thought it through. Rachel and Finn are elated but there’s a certain look of disbelief on Finn’s face (and Berry Dad #1: Hiram (Goldblum) for that matter ) that indicate it seems too good to be true.

Cut to a classroom where we get to look in on a meeting of the “God Squad” – McKinley High’s club for Christian students. Mercedes seems to be the leader of the club and she welcomes Quinn back to the Squad after a “long absence” and introduces us to new student: Joseph Hart (played by Glee Project winner Samuel Larsen) who Quinn calls a “teen Jesus”. Considering that the only other God Squad member is Sam Evans, it seems perhaps this club was just Mercedes until a couple of weeks ago. Sam suggests that since the Glee club turned down the singing telegram gig that maybe the God Squad can use the money for their community service projects.

In the cafeteria, several members of New Directions discuss Sugar’s upcoming party. Kurt reveals that Blaine is still at home recovering, but that he’s been sending him a new Valentine’s Day card every day of this week. Artie questions why Kurt thinks the cards are from Blaine when he notices today’s card is addressed from “your secret admirer”. Suddenly a large gorilla with a “Gorilla Gram” and a bunch of red/white balloons appears with another gift for Kurt – once again addressed from his Secret Admirer. Kurt continues to think it’s from Blaine while the rest of the world immediately knows exactly what is going on here. After gloating about how great his boyfriend is, Kurt asks who Rory is taking to Sugar’s party. Rory says he’s asking Sugar, but is cut-off by Artie who was planning the same. The two boys throw down the gauntlet, it seems. This means war.

Mike and Tina finally get the duet we’ve all been waiting for in their version of Nat King Cole standard “L-O-V-E”. (On a side note: Remember when we were all so mad that they broke up Tina and Artie? Me neither!) Once again I am SMITTEN with Mike Chang. While the duo flawlessly perform the completely adorable number, we see a montage of Rory/Artie’s competition for Sugar’s affections. (Without getting into details since this is all just comedy, imagine lots of Valentine’s day one-upmanship with Sugar bouncing and clapping in excitement.)

In the cutest (and basically only) Brittana moment we’ve had all year (which is sort-of about to be addressed) Brittany approaches her girl holding a decorated laptop. She says she wanted to make Santana a CD of “all the songs that play in my head when I’m with you” but she couldn’t get past making the playlist without help. She also made the most adorable cover image. The world lets out a collective “awwwwwww”. (Check out the songs below on the playlist, however.  I dare you not to “LOL”. How Romantic!)

As they move in for a slow-motion kiss they are stopped by Principal Figgins and called to his office. Apparently a student has filed a complaint about their public displays of affection. Santana is furious, recounting having to watch Finchel make out on a regular basis. Figgins has to comply as their complaint was “for religious reasons” which only further fuels Santana’s anger.

Meanwhile back in the choirroom, Rachel and Finn announce to the club that they’ll be marrying (to mixed reviews from the crowd) despite what they think was Mr. Schue’s attempt to sabotage them by telling her parents. Kurt reveals he was the one who ratted them out because he thinks they’re making a big mistake. Several members of the group voice their opinions, both good and bad, before Artie (ever the peacemaker) says they should stop the fighting because he needs to win his own fight for Sugar’s affection and this conversation is cramping his considerable style.

As with all Glee battles, this one is in song and Artie (with the help of Sam, Kurt, Puck and Mike Chang) pulls out his best boyband moves when he sings Mario’s 2004 hit “Let Me Love You” as Sugar looks on, seemingly lovestruck. At the end of the very smooth and seductive number, Sugar hops into Artie’s lap and asks him to wheel her to class while Rory gives him the stink eye, seemingly defeated.

Outside in what I suppose I will call the courtyard, Rachel – who is wearing THE MOST ADORABLE red trenchcoat is talking to Santana who tells her she supports her and Finn getting married in her own backhanded way. They’re approached by The God Squad with a singing telegram for Rachel from Finn. Led by Joseph “Teen Jesus” Hart, they sing Gym Class Heroes hit “Stereo Hearts” and we find out that Trouty Mouth has some skillz in the rapping department. This is a really fun little number (despite the ridiculousness of a gospel choir showing up). Best of all, for the first time background people don’t only acknowledge that there is a musical number happening but they actually seem to enjoy it! IMAGINE!!

At the end of the number, a still fired-up Santana approaches the God Squad to ask the pricing for a vocal valentine and to confirm that she can send it to whomever she wants. Joseph tells her it’s $10.00 and that’s exactly how it works, and she can send it to anyone. Santana tucks the $10.00 into Joe’s guitar strings and tells him it’s for her girlfriend – making no mistake that she means it in the biblical sense. (Pun intended.)  Teen Jesus is concerned.

Back in the choir room, Rachel and Finn are being sappy as usual when Kurt announces he’s received yet another card from his secret admirer (still assuming it’s Blaine while everyone else knows exactly who it’s from). Mr. Schue takes up his tenth second of screen time thus far to tell the group that Rory has something to say. Rory reveals that despite his best efforts to arrange to stay, that he will have to return to Ireland at the end of the semester and that while he misses his family, it’s bittersweet because all of them have become family to him. He sings the rather appropriate Michael Buble ballad: “Home”.

Is it just me or does it seem like Rory always has some sob story to share with the group? Seriously, he is such a downer! I liked him better when he was pretending to be a Leprechaun. It seems Sugar is easily swayed by a pity party and since she now feels worse for Rory than for Artie, she asks him to be her date to the Sugar Shack, and he agrees.

The God Squad meet to discuss whether or not they will endorse a singing telegram to a lesbian student. Since everyone but Joe is fine with singing to Brittany and Santana, they tell Joe to think about how he feels about it and Quinn adds that being Christian is about being honest and truthful not only to others but to yourself and it strikes a chord in Mercedes.

Later, in the hallway, Sam walks up to Mercedes with a heart-shaped box containing a statue of St. Valentine that he made for her. Mercedes tells Sam that she came clean with Shane about her and Sam kissing and that she broke his heart and feels terrible. She adds that she can’t be with him because “when it comes to love I don’t know who I am”. Sam is devastated and walks away. In a spooky coincidence considering the real-world death of legend Whitney Houston just days ago, she turns to watch him walk away and begins the opening lines of “I Will Always Love You”. The number finishes in the choir room and when Mercedes finishes singing, a crying Sam gets up in a hurry and leaves the room.

Next we head to Chez Berry, where Rachel & Dads are performing for a rather uncomfortable looking Burt, Carole and Finn. After the soon to be in-laws eat dinner, things start getting weirder. Rachel’s Dads reveal that it’s time to get to the “teenage lovemaking”, explaining that while they’re young, since Finchel will be getting married they might as well start acting like a married couple. Burt and Carole agree and reveal they packed Finn an overnight bag and they’ve made plans to go out and enjoy an evening to themselves. The young couple seem surprised by this sudden endoresement from their parents to be sexually active, but head off to Rachel’s room excitedly. This is obviously a set-up, otherwise we have some pretty twisted parentals here.

Up in Rachel’s bedroom, the couple decide that they will not be having any sexual relations with her Dads in the same house and Rachel heads off to the bathroom to do her evening beauty regimen. Finn, shocked by how intensive her evening routine is, asks if he can go potty and all hell breaks loose which results in an argument. (Cut to Rachel’s Dads having a toast as they overhear the bickering). Finn gets angry and flees the room, leaving Rachel fuming.

Kurt arrives at the Sugar Shack a bit early for the party to meet Blaine (or so he thinks). After looking around the room he believes that his secret admirer hasn’t arrived yet and strikes up a conversation with one of the employees setting up for the party. She gestures towards the door and low and behold – there stands the same guy in a gorilla costume who earlier delivered his gorilla gram. Kurt, still assuming it’s Blaine in there, approaches and takes a box of candy from the gorilla excitedly. Opening the card, he reads it aloud: “Deat Kurt, Happy Valentine’s Day! I think I love you” as a puzzled look crosses his face. He says: “Wait.. you THINK you love me?” as the gorilla reaches to remove his mask.

Behind the mask is none other than Dave Karofsky. Anyone who’s watched any of the scenes these two have had together already knew that Dave fell in love with Kurt a long time ago. Despite my knowing full-well from the beginning of this episode that the secret admirer would be him, I still let out an audible *GASP* and immediately began to sob. Max Adler conveys so much emotion with the most subtle expressions. This is what so many of us have been waiting for ALL season. (Sorry Klaine fans, Kurtofsky forever!)

The two talk and Karofsky confesses that when he was at McKinley he hated who he was and he took it out on Kurt because he was so comfortable with himself and he wanted that too. He thanks Kurt for how much he’s helped him to accept himself and says that he’s wanted to contact him since the night they ran into eachother at Scandals. It’s obvious that Kurt doesn’t feel the same way from the get-go and it’s painful because Adler plays heartbroken and afraid so well. He tries to let Dave down easy but Karofsky gets up to leave with tears in his eyes. Seeing as they are in Lima’s only restaurant, unfortunately someone from Karofsky’s new school sees them and seems to catch on to what’s happening. Kurt tries to cover for him but the damage appears to be done and Karofsky runs out.

I’m not going to lie, I’m really quite concerned…

Back at the Berry house, it seems the devious parental plan has backfired as Finchel have already made up and realized that if they are to marry they will have to learn to compromise and co-habitate. They are snuggled up ever so cutely in bed when they realize it’s only 7:15pm. They decide to get ready and head for the Sugar Shack!

Downstairs, her Dads are discussing that they truly do not support Finchel getting married so young. Their approach is reverse psychology; pretending to support the marriage in order to make them realize they’re not ready for it. As the couple are on their way to Breadstix they reveal to dear old Dads that they not only made up but they’ve decided that they should get married as soon as possible – in MAY!

At the Sugar Shack, Ms. Motta thanks everyone for coming to her party and showers them with expensive gifts from her father, who she takes a moment to add – is not in the Mafia (Hmm?). She introduces The God Squad, who are the evening’s entertainment.

Joseph begins by saying that Santana asked him to sing a song for her girlfriend Brittany and reveals that after a long time praying and thinking about it he’s decided that “love is love, man!” and they sing Brittanna a mash-up of “Cherish/Cherish” (The Association/Madonna) which finds us seeing cute couple moments all over the room. Happy moments aside, we have Artie who can see that Sugar really seems to be falling for Rory and Kurt who is still Blaine-less and confused about Karofsky’s confession. The number ends with the most adorable Brittanna kiss ever, which makes up for the complete lack of Brittana affection we’ve seen all season.

Just when Kurt couldn’t look any more miserable, Sugar reveals that she has a special guest! Blaine! Rocking a cute Valentine’s Day eye patch (which he quickly does away with) as he takes the stage to perform the B52′s classic “Love Shack” and dedicates it to all of the lovers in the room! He is quickly joined by Mercedes, Rachel and Brittany. Blaine, in his ever-so charistmatic way, works the crowd and gets Kurt to join him on stage to finish the song. This is one of the BEST number Glee have ever done. It’s brilliantly performed, staged, choreographed and filmed. A HOME RUN! See for yourself!

http://www.twitvid.com/embed.php?guid=GDSDE&autoplay=0

While the episode was finished and in the hands of Fox on Friday 2/10/2012, the news of Whitney Houston’s passing one day later prompted the producers to add a dedication at the end of the episode.

[The-End]

This was one of my favorite episodes of Glee, EVER and more than makes up for my disappointment over “The Spanish Teacher”.

Fave Moments:

• Sometimes if you pay attention to the quick background shots you see a lot of funny things! For example, in the God Squad meeting, the notepad behind Mercedes contained the agenda for the meeting which included: “Pray about Artie’s legs” & “Secretly baptise people”. Brilliant.
• This episode was practically SUGAR-CENTRIC and the world is NOT MAD. Vanessa Lengies is too adorable for words and I can’t explain how much I love this character. Who woulda thunk it?

Main Beefs:

This episode was pretty much flawless. I do, however, have one concern: Karofsky’s well-being.

Honestly, when the whole bullying saga began in Season 2 I felt like the writers may take this into dark territory given the rash of teen suicides that brought bullying to the forefront of societal consciousness.

As much as I personally would have loved to see him and Kurt turn into a love story, I know it’s not happening now that Darren Criss is one of the show’s most popular stars. I’ve grown attached to Karofsky’s character. I feel there are two ways this might go:

• Feeling rejected, Dave may revert to anger and lash out – perhaps in cahoots with Sebastian to sabotage Klaine’s relationship. This would be preferrable if only because I think Max Adler is one of the show’s best assets.
• Given that they included a young man, presumably from Karofsky’s new school into the plot, it is possible that Dave will now be in a very fragile state. His concern about the school finding out about his homosexuality coupled with Kurt’s rejection could mean bad news. While I’m not sure the writers would take it to such a dark place, I do think that teenage suicide is a part of what inspired this storyline and I am sincerely concerned about the character. I will be praying to The Pop Gods that this doesn’t happen. Ryan Murphy, hear our prayer.

Then there was the obvious and not-going-anywhere beef that we still haven’t seen a trace of Ashley Fink since episode 1 of Season 3 and I’m still effing pissed off about it. LAUREN ZICES DOES NOT APPROVE!! Her and Puck were adorable together and there was no real reason to end it. WHY ON EARTH DID YOU END IT? Just so we could see that stupid Puck and Shelby nonsense? Well, at least one good thing came of it (“Constant Craving”)

Next week, we get the last new Glee episode (Titled: “On My Way”) until April 10th and it’s a big one. It’s time for Regionals and spoilers suggest there will be a “HUGE CLIFFHANGER”. Most excitingly, we get the return of the Troubletones (as was promised when they rejoined New Directions) and they’ll be singing current Billboard Hot 100 #1 single “What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)” by our Lady of Broken Hearts: Kelly Clarkson.

Check back next week for my thoughts! As always, thank you! and please leave comments

Last night, as I refreshed my Twitter feed for the umpteenth time to see what was up in Social Media land, I saw words that quite literally took the breath out of me. “Whitney Houston has died at 48“.

In that moment, I audibly gasped and immediately searched for proof that this wasn’t just another sick trending topic (i.e. last month’s “RIP Cher”) created by some joke gone awry. Within mere seconds, tweets from TMZ and The Associated Press confirmed the tragic news that the legendary Whitney Houston, had in fact died at 3:55pm in the Beverly Hilton Hotel.

I don’t remember how long it took for the tears to begin. I do feel as though I spent several minutes staring blankly at the words on my screen. Upon processing the news I sent a friend a text message to ask if they had heard the news and mentioned that I had been crying. While he too was a big fan of Whitney, he didn’t understand why I would be ever crying over a celebrity death.

While I would wager that most people consider themselves music lovers, I think it’s safe to say that for some it goes deeper than that. Music has always touched me in ways I can’t entirely translate. It’s made me feel things I haven’t have yet to experience in life, both good & bad. It’s expressed things I couldn’t say out loud and it’s comforted and helped me through my own pain. Music is my greatest passion; an extension of myself and as we all go through life – songs that mean a lot to us, and the artists that consistently perform them, become intertwined with that life, like a soundtrack.

As a child of the 80′s, Whitney Houston was responsible for a good portion of my life’s soundtrack, from the hopeful crush of “How Will I Know” to the bitterness of betrayal with “I Learned From The Best”. For so many moments in my life, I can name a Whitney Houston song that helped me. While doing so in detail would make this article officially more about me than about the tremendous body of work this legend has left us, I’ve decided that simply posting some of the songs that have been the most important to me over the years will be my tribute to her. Please join me in remembering how incredibly talented and amazing she was…

“Greatest Love of All”

“How Will I Know”

“I Wanna Dance (With Somebody)”

“Where Do Broken Hearts Go?”

“I Will Always Love You”

“All The Man That I Need”

“I Learned From The Best”

I leave you with the title track from what was expected to be Whitney’s big comeback album: “I Look To You”. This song never got the praise it deserves but will remain Whitney’s last-ever single from a studio album. Watching this video now brings tears to my eyes; simple, angelic, heartbreaking. I watch and listen and the lyrics bring more tears to my eyes than ever in the wake of her untimely death.

“I Look To You”

Goodbye Whitney. May you always shine down on us from Pop Heaven.

Within each person exists the potential for great light and great darkness. This duality of dark/light (a slightly less judgemental derivative of good versus evil) has been explored by artists since the beginning of time and remains a fascination to many. It’s a dichotomy that is explored everyday in music, in television, in film and in literature. Where balance is always the goal when light and dark collide, imbalance tends to be it’s nature which sets up the idea of an ongoing internal power struggle.

With Adam Lambert’s latest music video for “Better Than I Know Myself”, the gorgeous lead single from his upcoming 2012 album: “Trespassing”, he and director Ray Kay explore this eternal inner struggle that in some capacity we all face everyday.

We start out with a leather-clad Adam, his trademark guyliner and endlessly flawless hair completely in check. (P.S. I’m SO jealous of that hair!) He seems to be sporting some strange yellow (hazel-esque?) contact lenses and a cold/blue filter on the footage really plays with complimentary colors to make those eyes pop.

The “dark” Adam is self-destructive, hot-headed and defiant. He seems like he feels trapped inside this space and in feeling smothered he lashes out. Dark Adam does some bad-ass things, like consume tequila (right out of the bottle), dump said tequila out on the floor, tear up books, plays with fire and most disturbingly – slaughters the world’s most delicious fruit: the pomegranate, with his bare hands.

We’re also introduced to light Adam, who seems to represent the image that Adam has been putting forth in this album campaign in many ways. He is a more down to earth, confident and balanced Adam who seems more than happy to be within his space (and his own skin) than his dark counterpart. It is certainly a little more “homey”. The “light” space is warm with gold and yellow tones (again complimentary to how the dark side is represented). There is sunlight and it seems that light Adam may have a green thumb. His eyes here, are blue as Lambert’s are naturally.

Light Adam does very calming and responsible things like yoga, some light sweeping and steeping some delicious (probably herbal) tea. He does, however, seem to have some concerns about air quality and has some high tech ventilation monitoring system in place. We also see these tanks in the dark Adam’s room and realize that they share the same oxygen.

With all this talk of “sides” it is important to note that for much of the video, we have a split screen. On the left hand side, the dark Adam and on the right, the light! I find the arrangement interesting when considering political standpoints and traditional stereotypes of what it’s like to be a “left” thinker versus being “right”. At first I think this is a coincidence, but I truly believe that nothing in this video is coincidence.

The two Adams exist side by side, confined to their own spaces (there are no doors) but able to interact with eachother through a window. They seem to resent eachother as each watches the other with a certain disdain.

It becomes clear that we’re looking inside of Adam’s mind. The video serves as a visual representation of the ongoing struggle within as the dark Adam goes too far and lights a chair on fire in his chamber; because the two share the oxygen this action symbolizes an act of self-violence; a breaking point. As the oxygen is burned up by the fire, the light Adam collapses.

Wikipedia notes “Yin yang are not opposing forces (dualities), but complementary opposites that interact within a greater whole, as part of a dynamic system.” This video is about recognizing that your dark and light – like yin and yang – should not be opposing forces. As Gaga tried to get across in “Marry The Night”, true balance is attained when the light “marries” the dark. The triumph here is that dark Adam sees that he is harming the yin to his yang and we see him break the glass that seperates the two sides indicating that he’s had what Oprah would call an “aha!” moment and he’s decided to marry his own dark and light to truly attain the balance we all seek. He reaches through the broken glass and places his hand on his light’s shoulder and the shot fades to black.

In the end we see Adam walking down a street towards us as a single whole. As he gets closer, we see that one eye is blue and the other hazel/yellow, symbolizing his two sides combined.

Interestingly, the sides are inverted from the viewer’s perspective. This could be for one of two reasons: a.) simple physicality: where the left was blue internally (from Adam’s perspective in the fantasy scenario), in the end shot Adam’s left eye is physically on our right and vice versa, hence the “switch” or b.) it signifies that both sides have reached a compromise and was intended to be noticed and not just a sign of the fact that I’m analyzing this FAR too much!

All I know is one thing for sure: It’s a good thing Adam got his dark side in check, before any more delicious pommegranates got hurt. Oh, and…

“Better Than I Know Myself” is pure Pop Heaven. The best video of Lambert’s career to date and one of the best so far in 2012!

Welcome back Gleeks! It’s finally here.. the MUCH-hyped Michael Jackson tribute episode!! Much like the Madonna and Britney tributes before it, this is likely to be an impressive one! With TEN (Yup, 1-0) musical numbers planned, it’s also the most music-filled episode to date, so I guess we can expect it to be light on plot?

Here’s what you missed… on Glee!

And on to GleeHee!! SHA’MON*ah! (after the jump…)

We open with the New Directions crew once again roaming the halls of McKinley discussing what they should do for Regionals. The ladies formerly known as the Troubletones (minus Sugar Motta once again…) are lamenting that they missed their chance to perform Michael Jackson with the group at Sectionals. The world stopped a moment to think about how great “Man In The Mirror” really was but suddenly Mr. Schue shows up and agrees that they should do more Michael!

Blaine, ever the prepared leading man, already knows JUST which song would be perfect to start “MJ Week” and new directions burst into a completely choreographed, hyper-realistic number with “Gotta Be Startin’ Something” that sets the dream-like, quasi reality that we see for much of the rest of the episode. The number starts in the hallway, heads into the library and suddenly is in full costume – each member of New Directions (and tonnes of extras?) dressed as different versions of Michael with extremely elaborate lighting. It all ends with a glitter glove. Perfect.

GLEE! (the title shot, not random yelling on my part).

Cut to Finn and Rachel. We learn Rachel has asked for three days to decide if she will accept Finn’s proposal. He reminds her that three days are up and she tries to explain to him why it’s a hard decision for her. She says that it’s all very romantic but calls out how rushed and crazy it is because they’re in high school and senior year is full of big decisions. He reveals that if he’s to follow her to New York, he needs to know she’s committed to him. When she tries to assure him she wouldn’t stray, he recoils and tells her to take her time, seemingly afraid to hear any more explanations.

Later, Rachel and several members of New Directions are at The Lima Bean talking about their plans to perform Michael Jackson songs at Regionals. Rachel admits she’s never really understood Michael and the others tease her about it.

In struts our favorite new Glee villain, and new head of the Warblers: Sebastian. He reveals that Blaine let their game plan slip and he’s already hijacked the idea and created a Jackson setlist for the Warblers for Regionals. He taunts that he’s “sick of playing nice” after dishing out the most HATEFUL insults this show has ever seen. (No shade whatsoever intended toward Santana, who can compete with the best of them.)

Back at the choirroom, Mr. Schue presents the week’s assignment: “WWMJD” (What would Michael Jackson do?). The New Directions, still fuming from their run-in with Sebastian, want to fight and stand up for themselves and form a plan.

Cut to a dark parking garage, any Jackson fan knows exactly what is about to happen here.

The two Rival Glee clubs perform a duet/battle of the classic “Bad”. The Warblers provide the beat while New Directions do most of the singing. This number is wonderfully choreographed and faithful to the original. My only wish is that they had styled New Directions differently so there was more of a duality between them. Occasionally it was hard to see who was who and it was like they were collaborating more than competing. Later in the episode, I second guess that this is EXACTLY what Ryan Murphy wanted me/us to think.

It quickly becomes clear that Sebastian’s Warblers are up to something. After being handed a mysterious paper bag, the number ends with our formerly flirtatious new villain delivering a game-changing slushie to the face, fully intended for Kurt who he seems to have taken a particularly large dislike for. Ever the hero, our dear leading man Blaine is the unfortunate victim as he valiantly takes the bullet for his love.

The next day, Kurt fills the others in: Blaine’s cornea was “deeply scratched” and requires surgery. They tell Mr. Schue that they believe Sebastian put something into the slushie deliberately to hurt someone. Schue tells them Dalton Academy are investigating but the kids are angry and they want to take matters into their own hands. Ever the morally-righteous Spanish teacher, Schue tells them that they need to do this by the books lest they get themselves disqualified from Regionals but let’s face it – this has become personal. Artie is particularly angry and sick of being told “it gets better” when he just wants retaliation and for it to be better, NOW. As we continue to bounce between reality and fantasty, Artie plants his two feet on the ground, stands up and walks off screen with Mike Chang following.

Cue an obligatory music video re-creation: this time the Janet/Michael duet “Scream” and one of the most expensive music videos of all time. Kevin McHale and Harry Shum, Jr. DOMINATE this number and remind us even moreso how tragic it is that Artie is confined to a wheelchair for most of the series when McHale is such a great dancer. The footwork is top notch!

Rachel approaches Quinn in the washroom to seek her advice about Finn’s proposal. Quinn reveals that she received an acceptance letter to Yale and Rachel congratulates her. Quinn tries to tell Rachel that she hates the idea of “dragging an anchor from my past into the bright lights of my future” and assures Rachel that she has a great life ahead of her and if she wants to chase her dreams she will need to break-up with Finn after graduation. It seems this bitter resolve may have more to do with Quinn dealing with knowing she will have to say goodbye to all of her high school loves as she enters into her rendition of “Never Can Say Goodbye”. At the end of her number, she tells New Directions about Yale and thanks all of them for sticking by her through all of her crazy and delivers some more “words of wisdom” pointed at Rachel. “You can’t forget your past, but you can let go and start your future”.

Later, Kurt tells Santana that very much like Artie, he wants to get revenge on Sebastian but because he’s fought against violence in the school for so long they have to take the high road. Santana has to keep Snixx in check, but decides Kurt is right, they can’t play dirty, but vows to help him get back at Sebastian.

Sam, in his never-ending quest to win back Mercedes, says that since they’ve never done a duet together he wants her to sing “Human Nature” with him. He lights up a marquee wall with her name on it, adding that they’ll all be seeing her name in lights for years to come. In this moment, the world falls in love with Sam Evans all over again, but Mercedes needs to stay strong because she’s still got a man (right?).

As she walks away, refusing the duet, Sam begins to play and the lights change and she gives in and starts singing. They so a BEAUTIFUL, acoustic rendition of one of Jackson’s most beloved songs and it ends with the sweetest, most innocent and softest of kisses. Say it with me, AWWWWWWWWWW!! (but seriously, isn’t she still taken? Did I miss a breakup?)

Burt Hummel interrupts Mr. Schue’s Spanish class to let Kurt know his NYADA letter has arrived. Kurt opens it to find he’s a finalist for the selection process. Burt EXPLODES with pride and love for his son, telling him that despite all the hardship he’s had to endure with high school that he’s “won”.

Burt Hummel, if you were real and NOT straight, I would be proposing marriage. The best Dad on television continues to be f*cking amazing. <3<3<3

With the news of Kurt getting his letter to NYADA, Rachel finally breaks under all of the pressure. McKinley’s over-achiever has not had a great year. She rigged the Senior Class President vote, got suspended from school, was disqualified from competing in Sectionals and as a result she has not received a letter from NYADA. On top of that she’s worried about Finn’s proposal and Quinn’s warning. She breaks down on her best friend’s shoulder at the moment when she should be congratulating him.

After the break we come to Blaine’s bedroom where Kurt is reading to him at his bedside and he’s sporting an eyepatch. (If the surgery doesnt work out he could always rock bedazzled patches…)

Rachel and Finn arrive to visit and the three sing Blaine a rather dull and pointless rendition of “Ben”. A song Michael wrote about his pet mouse when he was just a child. I’ve never liked this song and really didn’t dig this scene. It took away from the overall flow of the storyline.

Soon the reason for this slow-down reveals itself as the next scene’s intensity needed a preceeding breather. Santana goes to Dalton and confronts Sebastian, demanding to know what he put in the slushie. Sebastian admits to nothing, joking that it was “red dye number 6″. Santana reveals that Blaine requires surgery, but Sebastian manages to look like he doesn’t really care. He challenges her to a duel, singing of course. Luckily there are two cello players in the room and Santana says she’s gonna need them as the two lock eyes for an INCREDIBLE version of “Smooth Criminal”.

The stark arrangement with just the two Cellists and the two singers as well as the way this scene is filmed make for some amazing television. Perhaps a rival for best number of the season and one of the series’ best! Santana asserts she was the duel winner, which is 100% truth, but anyway. She demands he tell her what was in the slushie and he admits it was rock salt before thrusting another slushie (this one minus the booby trap) into her face.

Santana had a “booby trap” of her own. We later discover that with Artie’s help she was recording the conversation and has the proof of Sebastian’s indiscretion on tape. She wants to bring it to the authorities and get Sebastian kicked out of school. Kurt argues that getting Sebastian suspended won’t stop the Warblers from singing Michael Jackson at Regionals nor help them compete against them and that sometimes payback isn’t the best way. He says what they need to do, is teach the Warblers a lesson. The rest of the club (aside from Santana) agree.

The club run off to the auditorium to practice and Finn asks Rachel to stay behind. (Yup, sounds like a song coming on.) He wants to tell her that when he proposed he left out the “most important part” and asks her to listen while he starts singing “I Just Can’t Stop Loving You” which of course, becomes a duet. Usually I’m all team Finchel but this number was really bland until the vocals got more interesting near the end. Cute but really not their best. At the end of the number, Rachel accepts Finn’s marriage proposal and the world remains unsurprised through their tear-filled eyes!

We close the episode with the Warblers arriving at the McKinley High auditorium. New Directions have asked them here to tell them that a.) they’ve decided to scrap the idea to do Michael Jackson songs for regionals and b.) show them why they’ll still win regionals regardless. They decide to do one last MJ number to show the Warblers that try-as-they-might, they really don’t understand the essence of Jackson’s music.

A glorious performance of “Black or White” follows and everyone but Sebastian seems to enjoy it. All of the Warblers (except him) get up on stage to dance and sing with New Directions. Unfortunately, they decide to have a moment of mimick come in again as Glee recreates the infamous morphing scene from the end of the original music video, but it’s a cute moment. When the number ends, the room is rather unevenly divided. Sebastian sits smugly in the audience, while both his team and his rivals look down from the stage at him.

Sebastian was not won over by the song. Santana reveals that she has proof enough to get Sebastian suspended or in trouble with the law over the booby trapped slushie incident, but Kurt throws the tape to Sebastian, stating The New Directions would rather beat him at Regionals than get a cheap revenge and revel in the fact that now his fellow Warblers know what an awful person he is.

Later in the hallway, Rachel is happy to report that her NYADA letter was delayed in the post and that she too, is a finalist! Obviously. Kurt hugs her, overjoyed then asks “Wait, have you told Finn yet?” Dun, Dunn, Dunnnnnnnn……

[The-End]

LIKES:

Overall, this episode was completely kick-ass. Not only did it feature several of the King of Pop’s best tracks, but it flawlessly escalated and set up the conflict for the second third of the season as we gear up for Regionals and probably Nationals since this is the last year many of the series regulars can compete.

• Despite the large amount of musical numbers, this episode still had plenty of plot development and kept it simple enough to be effective!
• As always, Glee shines it’s brightest when it keeps things simple and uses songs that mirror and enhance the storyline. In my personal preference, I also think it succeeds best when it uses fantasy sequences to supersede what can often be mundane shots of characters simply singing to one-another.
• Grant Gustin once again steals every scene he’s in! Sebastian is pure spite and venom and he plays it devastatingly well. He is much better suited as a villain for the whole glee club than as a potential relationship-ruiner for Klaine. That being said, I support shaking things up with Klaine but I don’t see it happening for fear of the ridiculous fan backlash that would be sure to follow. I do, however, wish Dave Karofsky would make a return and either fight against or with Sebastian. I just want my Karofsky back!

BEEFS:

• Seriously, where the F*CK is Sugar Motta? You decide to keep her around but randomly leave her out of multiple episodes? What’s the deal? We could at least make some random joke about how she’s never around and acknowledge it. Continuity, folks. In one number you have an entire unnecessary gospel choir just appear out of nowhere but you can’t keep all of the kids in your Glee club sorted? Ryan Murphy, hear out prayer!
• I still want Lauren Zices back. I’m not sure why you thought it wasn’t working with the adorable and hilarious Ashley Fink, but this is just unacceptable. Lauren Zices does not approve.

Next week, we have another new episode and it’s another one we’ve all been waiting for. Ricky Martin makes his first appearance as a potential rival for Mr. Schuester in “The Spanish Teacher”. For the most part, this episode will feature songs by Spanish/Latin artists (including a personal favorite by Gloria Estefan and what appears to be an LMFAO song? Really?)

As always, I’ll be here to provide a recap and my gleeky thoughts!

Thanks for reading! I welcome your comments and feedback

The last time we talked, we were introduced to a new character, and learned that one of our favourites was about to leave. If you haven’t caught up on episodes yet, proceed with caution. There are spoilers lurking in these woods.

[Previously on the Vampire Diaries...]

I am still in love with this show. I have no excuse other than the fact that I recognize awesome when I see it. And I’m really overdue with this post, so as soon as I send it to the Messiah to post, I’m watching the newest episode. I can’t wait to find out what happened.

Good morning, Mystic Falls! Damon looks SO HAPPY in the shower. Seriously. His self-satisfied grin could power all the lightbulbs in that immense house for a week. If just a kiss has this effect… And oh my GODS his cocky strut when he goes to get dressed is hilarious. Stefan has no patience for this nonsense; they’re late to meet Bonnie and plot strategy.

In contrast, Elena looks like she’s about to put her fist (or foot) through a punching bag. She and Alaric are still committed to running Jeremy out of town, since it looks like the magic resurrection rings are limited after all. I approve of taking the rings out of the picture, as it raises the stakes, but I’m going to miss the kid. He became so much more interesting when he stopped being a sullen angstbunny.

The casket resists Bonnie’s efforts to spell them open. Are they all locked, or just this one? Regardless, they suddenly vanish and Bonnie hears creaking overhead and a flash of supernaturally-swift movement behind her.

Outside, Stefan makes Damon repeat his promise to keep Elena in the dark, which he does, but then their ears perk up. The brothers detect and corner the hybrid that was scouting the haunted house, and Damon removes his heart.

Bonnie and Elena set up birthday decorations at Caroline’s locker, and Elena confesses that Jeremy’s been compelled to leave town. Bonnie does not approve, because she’s been paying attention and she’s a big fan of free will.

Damon attempts to pick the casket spell-lock with a shovel and some handy brute force, and accuses the witch-ghosts of holding back; they should have enough power to open the damn thing. He also does the math to figure out that they have no idea who (or what) is in there. Not enough Original Siblings to go around, you see. (I knew it!) Stefan focuses on the hybrids, who are far too numerous. He plans to force Klaus’ hand. Damon thinks this is a terrible idea, and so do I.

Bonnie finds Jeremy cleaning out his locker. He parrots Elena’s words about how Denver is a great opportunity. She hesitates, unsure whether she should reveal the truth, but just wishes him well.

Tyler is waiting for Caroline in the parking lot. She’s heartbroken. He tells her that she deserves to be the most important person in his life, but as long as he’s bonded to Klaus he can’t promise that, so he’s going to have to let her go. So mature! He can’t give her true love, so he gives her a charm bracelet. And there go the maturity points.

Klaus tucks Rebekah into her new casket just as Stefan shows up. They bicker about which of them has the better claim to this hometown. Stefan carries a grudge about being compelled and wants the hybrids gone. Klaus resents being betrayed by his friend/plaything and wants his brothers back. Stefan drives home his point by abruptly beheading a hybrid who walks into the room. Hey, I actually know this one’s name. (Bye Mindy! You were cute, but doomed.)

Caroline gets home to find Elena, Matt, and Bonnie in her house. (How can someone with vampire hearing be surprised like that? Humans breathe, and have heartbeats, and totally make the floor creak.) She didn’t make it past the parking lot into the school, so they brought the birthday celebration to her, but she isn’t in the mood for s’mores in the woods. She feels stuck in undeath. This gives Elena an idea.

Tyler shows up at House Klaus just as Mindy is being cleaned up. Klaus is feeling vengeful and wants Ty to be his instrument. Our boy asks to be left out of it, but Klaus asks him to go bite Caroline. (We all remember that werewolf bites are venomous to vampires, right? Good.) Ty claims to be able to resist the sire bond, so Klaus lets him leave (but never actually rescinds the order).

On their way into yet another Mystic Falls event, Damon and Alaric discuss Stefan’s reckless behaviour. Damon has a small (but growing) list of people in town that he wants kept safe. Alaric asks the question that all of us want answered: why can’t the founder’s council just meet without making it into a swank public event?

At what appears to be the town cemetery, Elena explains that what Caroline needs is a funeral for her old self so that she can embrace her new life. Matt takes a judicious swig of tequila, they take turns eulogizing, and Caro blows out the candles on her cake.

The party’s a fundraiser for restoring Wickery Bridge, where Elena’s parents died. Ominous, much? Alaric takes his de-facto-uncle role seriously and is concerned about Elena. I’m not sure how fully he groks the tension between her and Damon. When Damon escapes to write a cheque, Dr. Fell recognizes her miracle patient AND reveals that she’s on the council. She also has an unpleasant history with the bridge, but it revolves around a bad breakup (not a deadly car crash). There’s a definite flirty vibe here. She helpfully mentions that a British fella has offered a generous donation to the cause. Alaric knows who that is, and so do we.

Klaus is charming the hell out of Mayor Lockwood. Damon notes that Klaus is responsible for turning her son into a monster, but the Mayor can’t afford to decline his offer of support. As long as Stefan behaves, Klaus will look out for the town. The council is prepared to go after Stefan if they have to. It’s quite the protection racket!

The sheriff admits to Damon that she doesn’t trust Klaus, but she’s unwilling to let the townspeople be collateral damage in a vampire-hybrid conflict. Damon waggles his eyebrows, but she is undeterred; Damon has to get his little brother under control.

Meanwhile, the funeral has turned into more of a wake. Matt notices Elena trying to drown her frustration in liquor, Elena catches Caroline texting Ty, and Bonnie lets slip how much she resents Elena trying to control Jeremy. Matt tries to defuse the tension, and Bon decides to go home and tuck herself in before she makes things worse.

Alaric comes across the doctor in an argument with the ex who dumped her on the ill-fated bridge. We don’t get to hear much of their conversation, but it’s clear he thinks she’s being reckless. Alaric comes to her rescue by calmly threatening severe violence. Dr. Fell offers her thanks, explains that the guy who just left is the medical examiner (thus privy to the council’s cover-up shenanigans) and has to leave abruptly when she gets paged by work.

Stefan walks into the party and picks up a knife. He’s about to use it to behead a hybrid in the upstairs hall when Damon blocks him and tries to be the voice of reason. If enough hybrids die, Klaus will take Elena’s blood to make more. But Stefan wants to make Klaus pay, and doesn’t seem to care that Elena will suffer for it.

Ty arrives at the wake. Mattie gets right stern and protective (dude!) but Caroline invited him, so the star-crossed pair step outside to have a heart-to-heart. Alone with Elena, Matt says that all he wants is for his friends to be happy, safe, and free. Elena wants that for Jeremy too; she feels guilty about sending him away, but she doesn’t see any other way. Man, they’ve really made a dent in that tequila.

Tyler’s exhilarated that he was able to deny Klaus’ request. They can be together after all! There’s nothing holding them apart! Caroline knows this is too good to be true, but it’s her birthday and she deserves a happy ending. They kiss, and it’s adorable until it isn’t. Tyler’s teeth come out, and they’re both horrified when Caroline gets nicked. He tries to help her, but they both panic, and she tells him to get away. He flees.

Matt and Elena, drunk and giggly, come looking for their friend. Elena mentions a Fell ghost — an ancestor of the doctor? This screams of foreshadowing, but we have more immediate perils to attend to. A swift, shadowy figure slams Matt against the wall and grabs Elena.

Stefan has abducted Elena, and his car is definitely going over the speed limit. Stefan asks Damon what will happen if Klaus can’t use Elena to propagate vampire-werewolf hybrids any more, hangs up, and tosses Elena’s phone into the back seat. Damon lets Klaus know what’s at stake and insists that this threat is real. Stefan can’t even be trusted to be himself any more.

Matt, our hero, brings Caroline home to her mother and explains what Tyler did. She’s in terrible pain, and is rapidly becoming incoherent. The only known cure for a werewolf bite is Klaus’ blood.

Elena wants to know what clever plan Stefan thinks he’s come up with. He calls Klaus, demands again that the hybrids leave town, and threatens to drive himself and Elena off the bridge where her parents were killed. He then forces Elena to drink his blood, so that she’ll return as a creature of the night if she dies tonight. Elena starts yelling, and Klaus begins to understand that  the risk is real. He gives in, and Stefan stops just a few metres from the edge.

Elena stumbles out of the car. Stefan comes after her, all concerned and exasperated, but she has no patience for that. He was willing to put her through hell just to gain ground in his tussle with Klaus. He drives away and leaves her alone on the bridge-of-doom, and as far as I can tell her cell phone is still in his car. IDIOT.

Klaus shows up at Caroline’s house, and says Tyler begged him to come and help, but he can’t do a thing from the porch. Matt knows that Klaus is responsible, and so does Sheriff Forbes, but she invites him in anyway. What follows is seventeen kinds of strange. Klaus is unusually tender as he offers Caroline a choice. She can have death, or she can have infinite opportunity for experience and wonder. Good lord, the man can cast a spell with words. Caroline is true to her nature, and chooses life.

Damon delivers Elena safely to her front porch. Really, the reliability swap between the Salvatores is too much. He genuinely admires that Stefan was able to win this round against their enemy, but his first concern is for Elena’s welfare. Wary of his motives, she tells him that it’s not right for them to be together. He says that only the timing is wrong, and leaves without pressing his luck.

In the morning, Elena is hugging Jeremy like it’s for the last time. She probably thinks it is, but he has no idea and thinks she’s ridiculous. Bonnie shows up just in time to say goodbye, and it’s clear she’s still torn but she chooses to hold her tongue after all.

Caroline wakes up, healed and rested, and finds a jewelry box beside her bed. It’s from Klaus, it’s a bracelet, and it’s incredibly sparkly. Diamonds? It’s definitely much more grown-up than the charm bracelet from Tyler that’s on her wrist. One is perfect for the girl she was, and the other is a hint of who she might become.

Matt and Elena meet on Wickery Bridge. It turns out that she needed a closure ritual just as much as Caroline. The life she had before Stefan saved her from the accident seems completely alien now. Matt tells her that it’s okay to move on. Her survival isn’t a loss; it’s a triumph. He speaks a short eulogy for her prior self, and throws some dandelions over the edge into the water. It’s silly, and perfect.

Doc Fell finds Alaric at the bar. Jeremy is safely away, so this one’s drinking away his regrets. She hits on him about as subtly as a hammer. This is promising.

The sheriff shows Damon to a body in the woods. It’s the entirely human (and entirely dead) medical examiner, and he has a chair leg sticking out of his heart.

In conclusion:

• Jeremy staying in Mystic Falls would result in death or perpetual PTSD. However, making decisions for other people without their knowledge or participation is DOUBLEPLUS UNGOOD. Seriously. This is a central motif of the series (along with serial failure of every clever plan ever devised). I’m not sure how long it’ll take, but I expect we’ll hear Chekhov’s gun fire eventually.

• Stefan’s definitively disavowed all responsibility for Elena’s happiness. He still cares for her enough to keep her alive, but (since he can’t actually be with her) his first priority is revenge. And he is entirely aware of the chemistry between her and Damon, so we’ll see what happens.

• When the hell did Damon get this patient? It’s almost like he’s had over a century to get impulsiveness out of his system and is now, finally, making semi-rational decisions. OH WAIT. Yeah, this won’t last.

• How many times are they going to threaten to vamp Elena before someone actually does it? Seriously, Elena is totes annoying and I want Nina Dobrev to be able to do something really fun. Bring Katherine back for a visit, finally sire Elena, or (best choice) show us the original Petrova! I have my own favourite, but I’ll settle for any.

• Tyler now understands just how stuck he is. Now that he knows he can’t safely ignore the bond, I hope he’ll start trying to break it. But he has a history of self-destructive behaviour when he feels cornered.

• Is Caroline just a pawn to Klaus, or is she a Rebekah stand-in? Either way, Klaus tends to break his toys. I’m worried about her.

• The new doctor seems to have a few clever plans of her own. I suspect she’s going to go toe-to-toe with the council. And since several council members are the parents of supernaturals (and one IS one) it’s only a matter of time before she comes into conflict with our band of rebels. What did I say about clever plans being doomed to end in flames?

• Oh my GOD how much do we love Matt in this episode!? Right?

- Rebecca Faria (Guest Blogger)
Follow her on Twitter: @RebelBeckerton

To show my support and do my own part to create awareness, I’ve posted links to some literature and put up a “Stop Censorship” banner on PopMessiah.com until 1/24/2012! If you want to add your name to the petition, please click the banner in the top-right and you will be taken to americancensorship.org!

SOPA Blackout Aims To Block Internet Censorship Bill
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/18/sopa-blackout-internet-censorship_n_1211905.html?ref=sopa&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000008

Black Wednesday: In Protest of SOPA, Darken the Web
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/michael-geist/sopa-protest_b_1210467.html?ref=canada

WTF is SOPA ? aka The American Government trying to ruin the internet

Thanks for reading!

Welcome back fellow Gleeks! Glee finally returned today with a new episode. That’s right, just one! Next week will once again be a repeat but this week we have the much-hyped PROPOSAL EPISODE entitled “Yes/No”. While they haven’t really been subtle about telling us Shue and Emma will get engaged this episode there HAS been talk of another couple making it official. With several love connections on the show, it’s hard to know what could happen so let’s dive in!

We open with the Glee girls (Including Kurt and a suddenly-returned Sugar Motta) playfully grilling Mercedes about the glances with Sam they’ve noticed in the choiroom.  Tina asks her to “tell them more” about their Summer Fling. Cut to Sam, telling the Glee guys all about it. This scene sure feels familiar as it launches into an all-out homage to “Grease” with Sam and Mercedes singing “Summer Nights” – cheesy double-exposure finish and all.

Cherrios co-captain Becky confesses to us (via HILARIOUS inner monologue voiced by Helen Mirren) that not only is she extremely confident (“I. Becky Faye Jackson, am the hottest bitch at McKinley High School”) but she is also head-over-heels for a new crush!

As she walks down the hall, she encounters many of our favorite New Directions men only to reject each one subconciously (and hits the nail we’ve been pounding for weeks about Puck’s mohawk RIGHT on the head). We learn the flame she carries is for Artie!! She tells Sue about her crush, who tells her to ask him out but warns that she thinks Becky can do better.

In another unexpected, off-camera moment, it turns out that Beiste and Cooter “The Recruiter” eloped and married on Christmas Eve. Sue walks into the teacher’s room and overhears her telling Emma all about it. This all, of course, leads into Beiste asking Emma what is happening with her and Will and if they’re planning to tie the knot. She confesses she’s not sure if Will wants to marry her. Emma’s uncertainty prompts Sue to tell her to stop living in the stone ages and propose to him herself.

Of course, this means it’s time for another song! In a rare Emma moment, she sings “Wedding Bell Blues” (originally by Laura Nyro) with Sue and Coach Beiste backing her up.  For anyone who isn’t familiar, the lyrics couldn’t be more appropriate (“Will! I want you so… I always will…”) When the number ends, a bewildered Mr. Schue stares up at her and says “Emma, did you just ask me to marry you?”. Realizing she had unintentionally vocalized it, she runs off.

Schue realizes that the time has come for him to propose and decides to use it as this week’s Glee club assignment. In the choir room, he tells New Directions of his plans to propose (to much applause) and that their assignment for the week is to come up with a special number to mark the occasion. He also mentions he will be asking Emma’s parents for permission to wed their daughter.

Sam continues flirting hard with Mercedes and she continues to “resist” him, insisting it was just a fling and that she’s happy with Shane. (Did anyone else not remember the new boyfriend’s name until now?)

Artie approaches the fierce Ms. Motta in the hallway and asks if she might want to work on a number with him for this week’s assignment. Sugar, always as self-centered as can be, assumes he is asking her out on a date and she rejects him in the most polite way that a fierce girl with aspergers can! (“It’s not that you’re disabled. It’s that… I’m abled.” “I’m really worried that people are gonna think your legs look thinner than my arms.”) She leaves Artie in shock and then in swoops Becky for the kill, asking the already reeling Artie out on a date. (annnnnnnd.. commercial!)

Sam goes to talk to Coach Bieste (and I’m pretty sure he called her “Sir”) about getting onto one of McKinley’s sports teams. He wants a chance to get a letterman jacket so he can impress Mercedes. As it’s already halfway through the year, Bieste tells him it’s too late to join most of the major sports teams but seeing that he is desperate she tells him there is one team that is still looking for athletes.

Cut to trouty mouth in red swimming trunks. It turns out the one remaining team was McKinley’s synchronized swimming team (Wow, does this school have EVERYTHING!!?) In an unexpectedly delightful guest role, Real Housewives of Atlanta star Nene Leakes plays Coach Roz Washington, who ran away with many of the episode’s best lines. (“I’ve never seen lips like that on a white child… and one of your nipples is higher than the other. I bet you’ve had to overcome a LOT with those nipples.”) Coach Roz is an olympic medal winner and it seems she runs a tight ship! Truthfully, though, despite the amusement – the introduction of this character in this episode seems pointless plot-wise except to set up a musical number close to the episode finale.

Word spreads quickly that Sam has joined Synchornized Swimming. He’s so happy to be on a sports team, he hasn’t really considered that Synchro might not be seen as the coolest sport and after boasting about it to Finn, he receives a face full of red slushie in the hallway from Rick “The Stick” and his cronies. Mercedes sees the attack from her locker and comes to his aid, but boyfriend – whom we suppose we can now call Shane since he won’t be around much longer – sees the sparks flying that we all LOVE SO MUCH and tells her she needs to get to Study Hall and that Sam can sort himself out.

Artie presents his idea for the assignment to Schue with all of the guys while Becky looks on from the audience. He says that Schue should woo Emma with his smooth dance moves and not some sappy, predictable love song. The song he chose is a mash-up of Maroon 5′s “Moves Like Jagger” and “Jumpin Jack Flash” by the Rolling Stones. For a guy with his legs strapped down in a wheelchair, Kevin McHale sure can dance his ass off! (Can someone send a memo from Tyra Banks to Matt Morrison to stop letting “all his fierceness go to his lips” when he dances. That face he keeps making is seriously obnoxious.)

After the performance, we learn that Artie’s approach to Becky’s proposal was to invite her to the performance. Becky insists that part 2 of their “date” be dinner at the only restaurant in Lima: BreadstiX!

Cut to the jewlery store, where Finn has accompanied Shue to pick out a ring. He asks Finn to be his best man. I know this isn’t the first time, but would any REAL school allow such personal relationships between teachers and students? In an unexpected moment, Finn confides in Schue that he’s been thinking about his future and he’s planning to join the U.S. Army after high school.

Now Rachel, Santana, Mercedes and Tina pitch their idea and just as Artie expected, it’s a sappy and predictable song: “First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”.  As the girls sing, we get painfully brief scenes showing a moment in time when they set eyes on the object of their affections. We get a couple of cute ‘ship moments with Finchel, Mike/Tina Brittana and Samcedes. Evidently we’re supposed to be wondering why Mercedes isn’t thinking about Shane since she becomes upset and confides in Tina, but we mostly find ourselves wondering why Tina and Mike don’t have a cute ‘ship name yet. (“Tike” and “Mina” sound lame, I’mma call em “Chang-Chang”).

Will meets with Emma’s parents and it goes just about as well as their first meeting did. Emma’s Father refuses to give his blessing for Will to marry Emma and he and his wife warn Schue that Emma won’t be able to handle all of the challenges that come with marriage and starting a family with her OCD.

New Directions, meanwhile, are staging an intervention for Artie as they heard through the grapevine that he was seen at BreadstiX the night before with Becky. Upset that all of them seem to think that Becky isn’t as mature and capable as they are when it comes to dating, Artie defends her and tells them all how closed-minded they are before leaving.

Finn enters Mr. Schue’s office to find his mom, Burt Hummel and Emma there along with Will waiting for him. Mr. Schue apologizes for telling them about his plans to join the army but he was concerned as it’s a big decision. Finn says that he wants to honor his father, who was a war hero, by walking in his footsteps. His Mom has something to tell him: his father didn’t die in the war as he had always thought. She tells him that his father served in Iraq but he was dishonorably discharged and developed a drug habit upon returning to Ohio. He was in and out of rehab and their lives for a while before dying of a drug overdose.

Becky decides it’s time to take her and Artie’s “relationship” to a new level and she SEX’Ts him! Artie is understandably concerned because while he had a lot of fun with Becky at BreadstiX he’s not insterested in anything further with her. He seeks the counsel of Sue Sylvester who tells him that Becky needs him to treat her like any other person and he needs to just come clean with her.

Will arrives at home to find Emma taking down the Christmas Tree. She wants to talk to him and tells his about Sue’s suggestion that she propose, asking finally whether or not he wants to spend his life with her. Still feeling defeated by the words of her parents, Will pulls off yet-another douchey moment when he asks her if she can handle all of the mess that comes with marriage and family with her OCD and confesses that while he understands it’s not her fault she has this disease that he sometimes feels like it’s “hopeless”. Then, this:

Yep, this is the exact moment that Emma’s heart breaks, but she stands up for herself and tells Will that he needs to figure out whether or not she is what he wants and he needs to figure it out quickly.

Again we find ourselves at BreadstiX, where Finn, Rachel and Kurt are lamenting the futures they all thought they would have. Kurt and Rachel have yet to hear from NYADA, despite knowing that acceptance letters have gone out. Finn feels like he has “loser DNA”; he’s lost hope and wishes his Mother hadn’t told him the truth. In a moment of self-pity he says he wishes he could have just one special thing. Kurt looks at Rachel as a song begins; She looks at Finn with love and concern as she sings the opening lines of the 2011 David Guetta hit: “Without You”. The song ends in the choiroom, with Rachel singing to the group but looking Finn in the eyes as you can see some of his spark return.

After Rachel’s song, the New Directions ask Mr. Schue if he knows what song he would like to use to propose to Ms. Pilsbury. He doesn’t mention the discussion he and Emma had the previous evening and says he needs to think it over more. Sam later approaches him in the hallway and says that he thinks he has a perfect idea…

Seemingly resigned to a feeling that it won’t work out for her and Will, Emma is making some new brochures when Mr. Schue enters and asks if she has a moment. He extends a hand and takes her into the hallway as the opening melodies of Rihanna’s “We Found Love” begin. Anyone who knows the song and has been watching the episode immediately realize now why this song works (i.e. “We found love in a HOPELESS place…”).

As they walk through the hallway they encounter a couple of people we don’t know and Coach Beiste and Sue. All of them hand Emma a single white rose as she walks along, bewildered.

They walk into the McKinley High pool, where New Directions and the Synchonized Swimming team are performing the number. Schue shows Emma to her seat and disappears. Personally, I found the way the number was filmed and performed to be gimmicky and overall a bit boring, but I give them points for creativity! The real highlight here was the ACTUAL proposal. Mr. Schue, clad in a white tux and top hat, “walks on water” before diving in and swimming across the pool to get down on one knee and make the whole world cry with his beautiful words. He tells her that he may be a source of comfort and healing to her OCD, but that she does those things for him too and that she’s the one. She (obviously) accepts his proposal, and the entire world SQEEEEEEees with delight.

Later, Artie approaches Becky in the hallway and tells her that he thinks they shouldn’t date. Becky does her best to take it gracefully but we revisit her inner monologue to hear her say that she wanted to ask him if it was because she has Downs Syndrome but she already knew the answer was yes. She goes to Sue for comfort, who is also feeling rejected that Cooter stopped calling her and eloped with Coach Beiste and the two lean on eachother.

With only a moment left, we cut to the auditorium where Finn has taken Rachel because he has something important to talk to her about. He says that he’s spent his whole life wanting to be half the man his Father was only to find out that his Father wasn’t quite the role model he’d dreamed. He goes on to say that while the world’s dealt him a bad hand, she’s a “big gold star” and that if she will keep letting him love her, that he will be okay.

It seems that Finn’s ideals of what makes a”good man” may have transferred to Burt’s example, or maybe even Mr. Schue… in a mind-blowing cliffhanger, he confessed that he applied for his first credit card and pulls a ring from his pocket and asks a very speechless Rachel Berry to marry him.

[The-End]

Overall, this episode was PRETTY FREAKIN CUTE and AMAZING for the following reasons:

• Getting to know more about Becky (played by the adorable Lauren Potter) was a treat and the Helen Mirren voiceover as her inner monologue was INSPIRED. (“You may be wondering why I sound like the Queen of England. It’s simple: in my mind I can sound like whomever I want. So lay off, haters! Ok, let’s get realz…”)
• We got to see a surprisingly mature and even NURTURING Sue Sylvester sustain personal rejection and still effectively council not only Becky, her friend, but Artie as well. I’m sure this calmer, more sensible Sue is only a passing fad, but it was well-done.
• NeNe Leakes was HILARIOUS. Sadly, I have a feeling we won’t be seeing much of her after this episode and as a one-off it seems like her entire scene was a tad pointless. I haven’t honestly done my research on tis one
• Any episode with an Emma Pilsbury song is TOPS in my books.
• The songs balanced old and new well and there was a big variety of vibes. The Pop Gods would like to offer their condolences to David Guetta and Usher, who are surely feeling a little bit slayed after Lea Michelle ruined their version of a song forever. “Without You” was spectacular.

Main Beef:

• It’s completely minor, but I don’t know why a tiny sentence couldn’t have been thrown in to explain away Sugar Motta’s absence in the last episode. As I’ve stated, I believe several episodes were filmed simultaneously and possibly out of order and that keeping Sugar might have been a last minute decision, but it’s bugging me that she disappeared for the Christmas episode and they didn’t even say anything about it.
• Still no Lauren Zices… No, I’m really not giving this up. I feel the same way about Karofsky! Why have these great characters been ABANDONNED! Ryan Murphy hear our prayers!

No new Glee next week. (I know, right?) but it returns on Tuesday, January 31st with the much-hyped Michael Jackson Tribute episode entitled simply: “Michael”, which is SURE to be EPIC! As always, I’ll be here blogging about it!

Thanks for reading. It’s 5:20am. I should probably sleep now.

Last week, my favourite supernatural teen soap opera returned.

Before the hiatus, the Salvatore brothers were tussling over which one was playing Angel and which one was Spike. I think Damon won. Take that as you will.

• Previously on the Vampire Diaries…

I am writing this while I watch. (I reserve the right to edit afterwards if it’s unintelligible.) Let’s just tear right into it, shall we?

Bonnie goes into an abandoned house alone. All she finds on the main floor are shafts of dusty sunlight and sibilant whispers. She follows the sound downstairs, where she meets a row of four caskets. This is a dream, right? She opens one and finds Klaus, asleep, wearing a very nice suit and holding his mother’s magic locket. When she reaches for it, something moves behind her and causes the floor to creak. She spins around, and … wakes up.

Welcome back to Mystic Falls!

Elena runs. Not like something’s after her — more like she knows something is going to be later. I spare a moment to pine for the training montages of my misspent youth. There are a few frantic moments when she thinks she’s being chased by a jogger in a hoodie, but after they collide he apologizes and lopes off.

Later at the Grill, Elena bemoans her hyper-vigilance and Bonnie relates her recurring nightmare. The girls aren’t sure why Klaus hasn’t tried to kill them yet. Elena’s finally given up on Stefan, Damon’s in an epic drunken sulk, and Alaric’s — wait, he’s grading papers? He’s finally decided to rejoin the living? He’s also at the bar (barely tolerating Damon’s presence) and hopes to find out why Jeremy’s stopped trying at school. Unfortunately, the youngest Gilbert isn’t coming in to work today. In fact, he’s been fired.

Instead of toiling for minimum wage, Jeremy’s playing in the woods with bow and arrows that he “borrowed” from Alaric’s weapons stash. Tyler’s getting his drink on and establishes common ground; boy-hybrid is in the doghouse with Caroline for being sired, and Robin Hood here got dumped by Bonnie for flirting with his dead ex-girlfriends. Ty makes some noises about his indestructibility, dares Jeremy to shoot him, and catches an arrow in mid-air; he seems to be trying to strike a balance between destruction-of-self and destruction-of-objects as a bonding ritual.

Thoroughly pickled, Damon plays with darts while Elena worries that Jer is on another decline because of multiple losses (i.e. parents, aunt & uncle, sundry girlfriends). Damon points out (with obvious envy) that Jeremy still has Elena He does perk up when she tells him that midday drunkenness isn’t hot. His flirty eyebrow moment is interrupted by Klaus and his menacing hoodie jogger (I refuse to remember his name unless he survives the episode). Damon instantly sobers and takes a protective stance while Klaus heroically refrains from killing anyone, wonders where Rebekah is hidden, considers moving to Mystic Falls permanently, and demands Stefan’s location to recover unspecified stolen goods.

Back to Bonnie’s dream house, this time in the flesh. She doesn’t find caskets in the basement, but Stefan appears behind her. He tells Bonnie about the crated relatives he stole from Klaus and asks her help to keep them hidden. I think I detect a trace of clever plan, and that can’t possibly end well.

Family dinner time, with intervention for dessert! Elena and Alaric get on Jeremy’s case, and he short circuits their arguments by inviting Ty inside to explain what being sired feels like. Tyler’s definitely not a puppet to Klaus — he’s sure he’s an ally! He speaks with such sincerity that it’s a jolt when he confirms that he’d be willing to sacrifice himself at Klaus’ command. Even Jeremy seems taken aback. And yet, he insists his free will is intact.

Meanwhile at the Salvatore ranch, Klaus and Damon have been commiserating about unreliable younger siblings, and Klaus explains what Stefan stole. Damon is dosed with vervain so he can’t be compelled, and he’s too useful to be killed (yet), so Klaus will have to find another demonstration of power. He makes a call.

Jeremy hangs up his phone, and Ty leaves. Alaric and Elena compare notes on Ty’s hybridization, and then realize that Jeremy left his magic ring on the table and wandered off. They find him outside, in the middle of the road, watching a vehicle accelerate toward him. Alaric knocks him out of the way, but gets himself killed in the process. Don’t worry; he’s only mostly dead! Hoodie drives back to gloat over the dead before speeding away, and Elena confirms that Alaric has his ring on (cue Beyoncé joke) while Jeremy comes to his senses.

Tyler meets up with Klaus and learns exactly what happened at the Gilbert’s after he left. He’s shocked, but Klaus explains that human lives are only relevant if they’re useful.

Damon and Elena swap plot details inside while standing over Alaric’s body. Jeremy was able to be compelled because Tyler took his vervain bracelet. Now that his head’s cleared, Jeremy wants them all to leave of Mystic Falls.

Elena detects similarities between Damon’s report and Bonnie’s dream, and calls her friend for help finding Stefan. So again we venture into the haunted house. The witch ghosts don’t like Damon at all, so Elena goes in alone. Damon listens to her plead with Stefan for his help. Stefan’s unmoved, and Elena’s outraged. Ruthless is a new look for him.

When Elena storms out, Damon encourages Elena to go sort out Jeremy and turns back to the house to take care of his own little brother. They fight, they yell, and Stefan finally reveals why he “betrayed” his brother’s clever plan — after Damon spears him on a tree branch. They are mutually unimpressed.

Tyler’s drinking in the woods when Jeremy pops up behind him with a crossbow and a grudge. Tyler insists he had no idea what Klaus was going to do, but Jeremy points out that Klaus is both deadly and untrustworthy. This time, the arrow isn’t shot in jest. Tyler catches it and tries to warn his friend away from danger, but his loyalties are clearly divided.

Moments after Alaric revives, Elena comes in and brings him up to date. So many mini-recaps in this episode! But Alaric is only revived, not healed and he collapses.

An ambulance arrives, but Hoodie compels the EMTs to leave and taunts Elena at the door. Jeremy takes him out with an arrow, but that’s not enough to kill a hybrid, so he goes inside and fetches a cleaver from the kitchen to behead the attacker (ew!) (also: holy calm in a crisis batman!).

Damon demands in on the new clever plan. Stefan’s only condition is that Elena is to be kept out of it entirely, and Damon agrees. The caskets have been in the basement all along, and the witches are hiding them from prying eyes. Even if Klaus does come after them, he could stand right next to them and never know they’re there.

At the hospital, Alaric puts his shirt back on. (Damn.) Dr. Meredith Fell asks him not to leave just yet and marvels at his fast healing. Later, Alaric is relieved to be healed but Jeremy’s still in pseudo-calm crisis-management mode, and it’s heartbreaking. Alaric wants to tell him that things won’t be terrible forever, but he can’t.

Meanwhile, Elena hands Rebekah’s inert body over to Klaus in exchange for Jeremy’s life. Klaus promises that next time he’ll pick someone else to hold hostage. Now that the connection between her and Stefan is severed, she’s not sure what else she has to offer. Also, Klaus needs to know that Rebekah wants him dead for what he did to their mother.

The blood’s mostly washed off the porch, and Damon’s disposed of Hoodie’s body, but Elena can’t seem to get her hands clean. Damon’s can’t comfort her because the Salvatores are keeping her in the dark, again. Has that ever worked out well? Elena won’t sit this out. I love her growing agency, but she can make terrible decisions if deprived of information. She’s still worried about Jeremy, too — not just about what might happen to him, but about what he might become.

In their new home, Rebekah’s still unresponsive but Klaus apologizes to her anyway. Sort of. It’s not his fault, he loves her so much, they’ll be together again someday, and he slides the dagger back into her heart to render her dormant again. The poor girl’s been stuck in an abusive relationship for a millennium.

Elena enlists Alaric and Damon as backup and meets Jeremy in his room. He shouldn’t lose out on life because of her. He barely gets to react before Damon compels him to leave town, enjoy normal life somewhere else, and never look back.

In the haunted basement, Bonnie and Stefan try to open the casket that Bonnie opened in her dream, but it’s sealed with magic. That makes it super important, right?

On Elena’s porch, Damon reassures her that she’s doing the right thing and she thanks him for being her rock. Damon reluctantly confesses the truth about Stefan’s apparent betrayal. He’s almost disappointed that Stefan isn’t a traitor, because he has to feel guilty over coveting his brother’s girl after all.

About to nobly retreat, Damon suddenly decides that (since he’s going to feel guilty anyway) he might as well go all in. He goes back and kisses Elena, the music swells (with appropriate lyrics), she doesn’t push him away, and Delena ‘shippers everywhere rejoice. He’s careful not to press his luck, though. Instead he wishes her well and, full of hope, he strolls off into the night.

EEE EEE EEEEE

Okay if we’ve all stopped making squeaky dolphin noises of glee, here’s some light homework.

• Is there even one other restaurant or bar in town besides the Mystic Grill? For crying out loud, kids — being a regular means you go there often, not that you don’t go anywhere else. Cheers is not a documentary.
• I’m going to miss Jeremy. But toothy supernaturals aren’t exactly tethered to this town, as evidenced by various road trips in prior episodes. If simply skipping town was enough to keep anyone safe, why wasn’t this considered several murders ago? And why the heck was Damon able to compel him? Shouldn’t the vervain have been back on by then?
• Damon’s love triangle participation is about to become much more active. This is good because I don’t want Stefan to go back to being boring.
• So many expressive faces and perfect reaction shots! The editing really is gorgeous.
• Remember that this is basically a soap opera, complete with intergenerational shenanigans; in this context, guys who don’t respect your boundaries are considered sexy, not suspect. (I tolerate this nonsense in fiction because it generates sweet conflict that is like narrative candy.)
• Elena now lives alone with her teacher who moonlights as a vampire hunter and is also her dead aunt’s ex-boyfriend. AWKWARD.
• Now I really want to see Original Petrova. I want to see if Nina Dobrev can pull off three distinct characters, and I want to know why Esther selected this woman for the curse. I’d suspected triangular drama between her, Klaus, and Elijah, but she had to reproduce at some point in order to be Katherine and Elena’s ancestor. This makes it unlikely that she was in the werewolf-vampire settlement a thousand years ago.
• Wait. Elijah, Finn, Kol… have I miscounted Original siblings? Rebekah’s stored with Klaus and both parents are dead, so who’s the sleeping beauty in the fourth casket? My guess is either Petrova or Esther, but I can’t possibly predict whether they’re living, dead, or undead.

- Rebecca Faria (Guest Blogger)
Follow her on Twitter: @RebelBeckerton

Don’t be afraid, Pop Hell isn’t exactly a terrifying place but moreso one that is very hard to take seriously. In addition to eternal fires and barren landscapes, in Pop Hell you’re very likely to find the following:

• Unlikeable, annoying or offensive Pop Culture personalities and others that are just too cheesy or ridiculous to be tolerated.
• Super awful/shameful TV shows
• Terrible trainwreck movies that we love to hate!
• Novelty songs (i.e. Macarena, The Ketchup Song, Cotton-Eyed Joe)
• Neon Clothing
• and last but not least – occasional blunders from our faves! This doesn’t mean that we here at PopMessiah.com truly think these artists are awful, just that they are human and occasionally make big, stinky, steaming mistakes from time to time which honestly, someone needs to tell them the truth about lest they continue to think that sort of thing is ok.

The following is a list of some of the more popular additions (many of which are from our faves…) to Pop Hell from 2011! May we never speak of them again!

Friday – Rebecca Black

I’m sure none of us really need a reminder about this steaming pile, but it was probably the most talked about YouTube video and viral phenomenon of 2011. It’s been parodied and covered by many; The song even ended up getting covered on Glee. It’s disturbingly simply and horribly, HORRIBLY catchy. Watch at your own risk.

Lady Gaga / Edge of Glory (Music Video)

After a rumored three-day video shoot went sour, the flawless track “The Edge of Glory” wound up being the worst Gaga video released to date. To be fair, it’s not that the scenes in the video don’t look good, it’s that the whole thing feels edited together from b-roll footage. Had the scenes from this video been intercut with something else or progressed into more of a narrative, it would have been fine. (i.e. Imagine that the solitary ascent up the fire escape ended on the roof with Clarence Clemons wailing sax up at the moon and dancers?)

Lady Gaga / Born This Way (Standard Edition) (Cover Art)

In case you missed my earlier piece about this awful attrocity of an album cover.  I really.. just.. can’t.

Britney Spears / Femme Fatale (Cover Art)

Don’t get me wrong! Britney’s got a permanent spot upstairs in Pop Heaven, she’s just not allowed to pack any of her album covers, and 2011′s “Femme Fatale” cover art was no exception. Anyone who loves Britney knows there were DOZENS or completely stunning photographs from the album shoot and yet they chose this monstrosity. The arm over the head is awkwardly cropped, her hair looks terrible. It’s just awful. As I have had to do with nearly ALL of Britney’s album releases, I downloaded fan-made covers. Had they gone with a dark, film noire kind of theme it would have been fierce! Luckily the album was amazing.

Britney Spears / Hold It Against Me (Music Video)

A lot of people seemed really impressed by this video when it premiered, but not The Pop Gods. This video surely holds the record for the most blatant product placement in any music video to date. Add to that a completely ridiculous scene where spears sprays neon paint from her fingertips and a lot of awkward and erratic editing to conceal either the rumored dance double or simply hide Britney’s lacking-in-2011 dance skills. Again Stans, I’m a Britney lover but the girl doesn’t have the moves she used to and this video is BENEATH her former (and later) greatness. Amen.

Kanye West / Verse from the Single Mix of Katy Perry’s “E.T.”

I’m 100% team Kanye most days, but the verse he wrote for this completely unnecessary version of “E.T.” was terrible. WIth lyrics like “I’m tryin’ to bathe my ape, in your milky way” and “First I’ll disrobe ya, then I’mma probe ya”, how could we NOT banish him to Pop Hell!!?

The Kardashians / “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding” and  “Kourtney & Kim Take New York“

Unfortunately for me, Canada’s STAR TV made the change to E! Canada and into my world came the  Kardashian family: a rather infectious but shameful terror I had only previously heard of. A brief and rocky love affair ensued as America’s first family of trash TV went from cute and endearing in their earlier seasons to the fame-hungry marketing monsters they are today. Their never-ending barrage of obviously-scripted “reality TV” shows have crossed such unbelieveable territory (i.e. Kourtney Kardashian getting obsessed with extreme couponing and getting out of control buying regular household items while living in a hotel or Kim’s marriage to/divorce from Kris Humphries, which many speculate was all for show and has been shamelessly used by E! to promote their shows since it was all conveniently captured on camera.)

Films / “Faces In The Crowd“

This “psychological thriller” sounded good on paper but was the most predictable and poorly written film I had the pleasure of seeing at this year’s Atlantic Film Festival. I saw it with two friends and recall feeling intimidated to express my early disdain for the film for fear that maybe it was actually really good and I was just the odd man out but by the end of it we were all laughing at presumably serious moments and when the credits started rolling – even the presence of one of the film’s producers in-house wasn’t enough to stop us discussing how very awful it was. Entertaining enough to sit through, but truly an awful mess, the film stars Milla Jovovich as a woman who witnesses a murder and suffers a trauma and as a result, cannot recognize faces – even those of people she sees everyday.

LMFAO

While I admit that I find them as catchy as the next person, I just don’t think I can take anymore PartyRocking. Fun music videos aside, songs like the one below just can’t be tolerated.

Charlie Sheen & The Term “Winning”

While it should be self-explanatory, Sheen’s public breakdown was one of the biggest entertainment news stories of the year. In what was believed to be a drug and alcohol fueled rampage, he used social media to launch a war against his boss, got fired from CBS sitcom “Two & a Half Men”, coined a million bizarre phrases about wizards and tiger’s blood and went on a North American tour to spread his crazy through.. talking.. or whatever! Forgive me for being pessimistic, but part of me wonders if it was all just a huge P.R. Stunt. If so, Charlie Sheen pulled one over on the whole world in 2011. Regardless, he has earned himself a seat right next to the Devil himself in Pop Hell.

The Male Skinny Jean

I’m sorry boys, but The Pop Gods have spoken.

In case you’re just joining us, you should catch up!!:
- Read entries 100 through 75 in Part 1!
- Read entries 74 through 50 in Part 2!
- Read entries 49 through 26 in Part 3!

Now, if you’re all caught up.. check out the conclusion of our year-end charts after the break…

#24

Aftermath – Adam Lambert While Lambert’s album: “For Your Entertainment” was released in 2009, a lot of attention in the media on the bullying of gay teens caused a number of musicians to speak out against bullying. Lambert released a new version of his album track “Aftermath” (Billboard Remix) in March as a charity single for The Trevor Project. While I admit that I don’t love the alternate mix near as much as the 80′s rocker album version – it remains a beautiful song with a strong message and breathtaking vocals from Adam. (YouTube) (iTunes)

#21

Night of Your Life (Feat. Jennifer Hudson) – David Guetta Despite some melodic similarities in the instrumental to Guetta’s “Only Girl (In The World)” with Rihanna, “Night of Your Life” manages to completely transcend any criticism one might initially have for the self-reference. Hudson is at her very best and this is a complete diva-fest. One of Guetta AND Hudson’s finest! (YouTube) (iTunes)

#20

Before It Explodes – Charice Another amazing single from “Infinity”, this track was written by hitmaker Bruno Mars and is one hell of breakup song. It tells the story of a couple who feel love slipping away and this is one person’s plea to the other that they just get out before it’s too late and they end up hating each other. Totally smash hit-worthy, this song is a victim of radio trends not favoring a love song at present. (YouTube) (iTunes)

#15

Better Than I Know Myself – Adam Lambert Just when most bloggers have already written their year-end charts and I’m still trying to convince myself that I’m not putting the “PRO” in procrastination, Lambert sweeps in a few days before Christmas and drops a SCORCHING new single from his upcoming 2012 album: “Trespassing” that is worthy of year-end 2011 gold despite the fact that it’s moment will almost certainly be in 2012. With soaring, powerful vocals and a deeply personal and heartfelt lyric, this one should be a smash for Lambert within a couple of weeks. (YouTube) (iTunes)

#6

Someone Like You – Adele One of the only contenders that might have been played more than “Rolling In The Deep” is Adele’s second single from “21″. This tear-jerker was everywhere this fall and is a frequent top 10 finisher on many year-end charts. If you don’t think this is a great song, I truly think you have no heart. I’m sorry. (YouTube) (iTunes)

#4

Yoü And I – Lady Gaga My first exposure to this rock n’ roll track was at the Monster Ball in Montreal in 2010. Gaga’s “Born This Way” had not yet been completed and she had recently written the track on tour and a recording of her performing it at a private function ended up on YouTube. While it felt a little rehearsed, it was played off as if she heard someone in the audience ask for it and she decided to randomly play it. At the time, it was a piano rock ballad and hadn’t been turned into the country-pop bar anthem it became in the hands of Mutt Lange, but in time I came to love the final version as much as the original live performance. This was also one of the best videos of the year in my opinion, but one that made the least sense! (YouTube) (iTunes)

It was much harder than I thought trying to rank my favorite 100 songs of the year. Right up to the moment I have hit “publish” on each of the four posts I have been making last minute changes in the rankings. There are songs and artists I know I’ve left out but in the end, I definitely believe in the finished chart. I’ll say one more time that 2011 was a hell-of-a-great year in pop music and I suspect that we have more great to come in 2012.

To each and every one of you who have been reading my blog, I want to thank you and wish you the best of luck in 2012. Please let me know your thoughts on the chart and if maybe I introduced you to someone new!

Congratulations to all of the artists in the chart! This is a supreme honor bestowed by The Pop Gods. No matter how many haters try to say otherwise, these songs are…